So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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