I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
