the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I will pee on everything he values.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize