Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
