; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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