Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
