Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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