So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize