Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
