Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
