Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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