I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
