girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
