Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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