So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I would fuck him just for his dog
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
