mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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