.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize