I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
