If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
