The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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