Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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