i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize