I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
