So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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