i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
