i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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