I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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