Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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