I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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