I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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