Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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