I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This baby is an asshole
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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