Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
