Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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