It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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