We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
