i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize