You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
