do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
