My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is not my ceiling
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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