I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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