i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
