Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
