I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
