He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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