Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize