dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
