he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's not cheating when I paid for it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
