Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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