ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
