We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
