You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
