I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
