my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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