Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
