I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
