Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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