i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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