we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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