You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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