So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
