she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
