Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Jerry, you need to find god
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
