Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
