Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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