4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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