Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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