Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
