first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
