I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I died a long time ago.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize