Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
