the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
