i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
