Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
