he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
