capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
