Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
