Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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