so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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